On Initials and Why I am a Logical Impossibility

Despite the fact that the last two initials of my name are E and T you may be shocked to hear that I am not an extra-terrestrial, or an alien in that sense. I was born on earth. And not the earth of another planet. I was born in a place called Canada, which because of the old jus sanguinis policy means I am considered a Canadian citizen. Unfortunately, I am not one of those beatific creatures who have a panoply of passports denoting their multiple belongings to numerous states. Thanks a lot Mom and Dad (sarcastically). You could have strategically planned a visit around my due-date to Idaho or I don't know - somewhere that meant I could have gotten dual-citizenship. Or you could have been born in another country yourselves. Thanks a lot future multiple husbands from multiple nations (not sarcastically).

As it stands at this moment I am an alien in another sense - I am attending school in Scotland, yet I am not a UK citizen. Therefore, I am a logical impossibility: I am an alien (X) and not an alien (not-X) at the same time! I never thought logic made sense anyways.

My unique standpoint as an alien and non-voter puts me in a place where I can commentate objectively and ignorantly on the 2010 UK election campaign without fear. No one will listen to what I say, I don't have my own say, and I won't have to live with the consequences of this election because I'll be returning to the land of milk and honey. Or rather, baby seal meat and maple syrup. So, without further ado...

While I was searching for synonyms for blessed (beatific, see above) Google dictionary gave me the following:

• You use blessed to describe something that you think is wonderful, and that you are grateful for or relieved about. ADJ ADJ n approval
  • The birth of a live healthy baby is a truly blessed event.
  • Rainy weather brings blessed relief to hay fever victims.
  • blessedly ADV usu ADV adj also ADV with cl
    • Most British election campaigns are blessedly brief.

Yes, I suppose British election campaigns are short. But is shorter better? It does not seem to be the case when it comes to hockey (ice, of course) seasons. My mother remembers the olden days when the Stanley cup game wasn't on a hot June night. But now the season stretches over half a year. American election campaigns are even longer than the NHL season. I had an American Politics Professor who would say at some level (in my imagination this level is underground, in the secret nuclear fallout shelter lairs of core Democrats and Republicans) the planning for the presidential election campaign began as soon as one election was over. The British campaign, on the other hand, seems to have only officially started in the last couple of weeks, and the election wasn't officially called until this past Tuesday, a month ahead of the election which is 6 May. Clearly much shorter than the drawn out American campaign and somewhat shorter than Canadian election campaigns.

But again, a shorter election campaign is blessed for whom? Voters? Politicians? Political aides? Much like hockey, election campaigns seem to be a spectator sport. Unlike hockey, in election campaigns the violence and name-calling gets progressively more nastily abusive near the cumulation of the campaign (in hockey, I would argue, it is steady, but not nasty, throughout the season). All of this makes for great entertainment. With a short campaign how can one get into the nitty gritty of the wardrobes of candidates and their spouses? And, there is hardly any time for ex-lovers, crazy family members, and other scandalous figures to emerge from the woodwork to ruin political careers. Why, it is hardly enough time to get to know the candidates! One can easily disguise little personality quirks for a month. If the 2004 American election campaign was only a four or five weeks Howard Dean could have been president!

That is why I would suggest choosing to vote for a candidate based either on their looks or their name. Looks-wise, the Labour party leader and incumbent, Gordon Brown has a good head of hair, strong jaw, and his initials are quite fitting. GB = Great Britain - a coincidence? No, probably planned.

Hey old chap, it's real isn't it?

Next we have the current leader of the opposition and the conservative candidate David Cameron. Beautiful complexion on that man, he looks quite youthful. However, his initials are lacking. I suggest he change his name to Ulysses Kapital. UK = United Kingdom and Ulysses Kapital. This would be ironic and also not ironic at all depending on what Kapital brings to your mind and considering he is a conservative politician.

Sports, children = + 20 points!

Last and least there is the underdog, the Liberal-Democrats Nick Clegg. Clegg is a young gun. No distinctive features really... As for his initials, I would suggest he change his name to Kristopher Geoffrey Babar. Yikes, actually the positive associations with Kingdom of Great Britain may be overridden by the negative associations those initials would have with the KGB. Never mind then. Maybe he should just adopt a puppy or something.

Much better!

That is another good way to decide who to vote for - tally up the number of times you see them with animals or children. Anarchy or a return to the glory days of the absolute monarchy are also good options for the politically conscious.